One afternoon after returning from work so fatigued, I had to take a nap (nap turned to a real four hours sleep). I woke up during eventide and felt like getting fruits myself by the roadside just about a stone-throw from my place.
As I was moving, sth just told me cucumber will be ideal, therefore, I had to cross to the other side of the road to get it.
I was heading home and that same sth in my head that has been advising me since I woke up opined that it’s suggesting I buy groundnuts to eat the cucumbers along. It also spiced everything in my head once like: ‘after the buying of the groundnut and you reach home, why not just put the cucumber in the fridge to chill a little, then enjoy it with the groundnut.’ Well, it seemed nice. I had to go back to get groundnuts.
Now, this was where the problem started.
I thought about not coming outside again so I wanted to get everything that will definitely keep me indoors. I bought some fried meat and kpomo. Waiting for my balance, I was thinking whilst searching for other things I likely will need.
I bin dey reason wetin I wan use step down those things I don tanda. I was like ‘..should I buy this Zero Coke or Hollandia Yogurt or should..’ I was interrupted by seeing Sop (short for Sopuruchi) closeby who’s 1. Has always pestered me to know where I stay, 2. I don’t like her way of life, coupled with fact that she was ready to just come, come dey swallow kpomo anyhow with toothpick without conscience. Personally too, I’m not the sort who brings anyone to my place and dont like unauthorized visits.
She’s so self-centered that before you say Jack, she’s uncorked one Heneiken and flushed it down her throat, and still be talking rubbish with you between mouthfuls of more swallowed beef. She’s well known for that. Believe me bro, I’ve seen her attack sb so I took cover and I wasn’t ready to overspend (when salary no go even come until two weeks later).
I walked then entered into a close there. God so kind, an uncompleted building (duplex) was adjacent with gates opened so I stood there and remembered I had to call a friend I promised I’d call a day before.
I dailed the number relaxed on a wall stamping a foot repeatedly. I could hear some noise the other side of the building: maybe they were partying I thought.
As the phone was still connecting, ha, I was just hearing another strange noise. I thought my ears where deceiving and resounding the stamping of my foot more loudly. Nna eh, chains were beginning to hit together and the ground shaking like sth was about to collapse.
O crazy me, I bent down to the ground as if to hear if the ground was mumbling till it barked! It was a dog! No be bingo, I mean a DOG! If you see how big this dog was!
I swiftly started climbing the [uncompleted] staircase to save my life from this fat-headed brutal merciless lion-type dog. It dived at my leg (oh my cool leg)… but a chain stopped it from reaching the first floor where I mounted.
I didn’t even realise sth initially; the music stopped playing. I didn’t take notice. I dey up there (feeling I defeated the dog), I bent and poured some sand as ‘ talk bark to the hand’ abi was it to scare it? Dog was just gnashing its teeth looking at me. I even did ntoor to it. I decided to urinate on it cos I thought it wouldn’t understand a middle finger. Of course, I spat at the asshole. That wasn’t all. I take stone dey stone the dog until I turned around to meet many seated human beings looking at me (I mean very many people) who was attending a burial adjacent the wall; the MISDEEMED PARTY.
Chai, I wished I could just disappear that day. I was like ‘father lord, just take my soul.’ I couldn’t go down and nowhere to hide. The MC was even on MIC like: ‘Please, young man.., hello young man, yes you, we’ll like you to come down as we’ll like to continue please. ‘ Na me come mumu come signal am (cos he wouldn’t hear me if I talked from there) make e come close and told him my ordeal. The mumu MC carry MIC announce am say who get dog over the building to go shift am say ‘to help this innocent stranded young man’ there. People laughed me die. Just imagine a very tall cute light-skinned guy wey carry nylon on a building na. The matter just tire me.
This life no just balance.
Well, it was one hell of an experience. Na that day I know there’s a very giant difference between a dog and a bingo.
Las las, I still jam Sop for road as I was going home very nervous and angry. Wetin just dey ring my mind na ‘just dare call me, in fact, just dare look at me.. If I no on LCD for you now..’
Well, I look back at some things that transpired long ago and I can only laugh.
Please share your experiences with dogs.