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Advice Needed: How to Make Amends After Reacting in Anger and Hitting My Mother

Advice Needed: How to Make Amends After Reacting in Anger and Hitting My Mother
Advice Needed: How to Make Amends After Reacting in Anger and Hitting My Mother

I’m typing this with a heavy heart and a great deal of disgust for what I did. I wish I had handled the situation better.

My dad is the best man I could ever wish for. If I had another chance to pick a dad in my next life, I would choose a richer version of him. However, my mom is a different story. Growing up with them was stressful in every possible way. My dad was meek, soft-spoken, and slow to react, but my mom would complain about everything and everyone, fight with everyone, and never back down from any form of confrontation. She would nitpick about my hairstyle, check if I was sagging my trousers, and monitor me obsessively. I’m a well-cultured person, and I don’t drink, smoke, or womanize. My mom made my youth a living hell, and I didn’t enjoy it. I have trust issues, which is why I don’t keep friends. I have developed some sort of hatred for my mother because of how she treated me.

Recently, I’ve been spending more time with them because of our youngest sibling, and the way she treats him makes me wonder if she’s his real mother. Her behavior has not improved with age, and she’s become more violent. She lost her twin sister last year, and I hoped that would change her, but it didn’t. Her other sisters aren’t even speaking to her right now. My dad was a musician, but he can’t continue doing music due to old age. Coincidentally, I picked up the same instrument and have been doing the same music as him all my life. However, my mom has always been against it. She was never happy whenever I carried my dad’s guitar to rehearse, or whenever I brought a piano home. It was always war.

I’ve been at their place since last weekend because of the poor electricity in my area. We’ve had power for about seven days now. I went to a studio session and returned in the evening to shouting over a trivial issue. I was so angry that I responded to every one of her verbal insults, and then she hit me. I felt so bad about it almost immediately that I reciprocated. She dragged me by my clothes, shouting that I must kill her again. By that time, my anger had subsided, and all I wanted to do was leave the house immediately. She threatened to have me arrested. She tore my shirt, and I managed to pull away from her and left without picking up my things. All my life, I have never hit a woman, let alone my mom. I don’t even hit kids when they do wrong, and I hate to see tears.

I know what I did was disgraceful, and I have no excuse for my behavior. I even avoid confrontations with my own gender because I know what I’m capable of. I’m always quick to apologize just to avoid prolonged issues. I’ve been offline since the incident, but I’m reaching out for advice and guidance. I know I’ll receive insults, but I’m willing to learn and become a better person. No one’s perfect.

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